Posts
Thursday, August 26, 2010
32. Recent Commentator
If you recently sent me a comment beginning 'Do tell Claus,' then please comment again and send me your email address so I can write back. You ask some questions I would like to address, but I don't want to do so publically via my blog, and blogspot won't allow me to write back to you individually. I am not trying to discover your identity, just trying to communicate with you.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
31. Psychonauting
I have been rather remiss about writing up the results of my 'investigations'. This is an update.
Wednesday June 30 2010
09:00 One boiled egg and nectarine for breakfast.
12:10 Ingested quarter tab LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide) while sitting on terrace in sunshine. Used a small amount in order to establish minimum dosage.
13:06 No noticeable effect. Ingested further half tab.
14:00 Slight muscular tension all over. Considerable hunger. Made and ate tomato/ avocado/ mozzarella salad.
14:30 Some slight visual effects - dancing patterns but only when I concentrated hard. Muscular tension not very pleasurable. Went for a walk along path on hillside. Sat on a bench overlooking village. Smoked 1 x hash cigarette. Muscular tension eased. Sense of unreality. An old Swiss lady with an off-road zimmer frame joined me on the bench. She stated: 'It is very peaceful here.' I agreed. We sat in companionable silence for half an hour before she left. A butterfly landed on my shoulder. I felt myself to be a part of, rather than apart from, the natural world.
15:30 Continued walk down path and through village. Removed shoes and walked barefoot. Contact with earth was pleasurable.
16:30 Returned home. Visuals still limited.
17:30 Return to baseline.
Conclusion: poor quality acid.
Saturday June 31st 2010
Went for 7 hour hike/climb up Piz Mezdi, Piz San Gian and Piz Surlej. Returned home to meet Dom (my brother) c. 16:00
19:00 Sat on beanbag in sitting room. Still considerable natural light. Put Amazon icaros on hifi. Inhaled one hit of DMT (dimethyltriptamine) - approx. three yellow crystals on bed of ash, smoked through a glass crack pipe. Initial taste was acrid and somewhat plastic. Closed my eyes and was immediately transported to a bright, curving tunnel. Sensed a benign presence inviting me down the tunnel but did not see anything more. Breathing very calm and deep. Effect wore off after c. 2 mins. Felt slight tingling all over body, accompanied by slightly shaking hands and clammy palms.
19:10 Took a bigger hit, this time did not see tunnels. Found myself in a bright, cheerful space which reminded me of early childhood memories. Bright shapes or balloons appeared to be bouncing around me. No sighting of other 'living' entities. In my subsequent reading, the twenty-fourth fragment of Heraclitus has given me pause for thought: The Aeon is a child at play with coloured balls. I am not sure what to conclude from this.
19:20 My brother Dom took his first ever DMT hit, which I observed. First inhalation was slight. He closed his eyes and immediately began to breathe deeply and calmly. His eyelids were flickering. He reported also seeing tunnels with Amazon/ Aztec motifs. Effect wore off after c. 1.5 minutes.
19:25 Dom took a second, much bigger hit. Journey lasted c. 4-5 minutes. His first words upon reopening his eyes: 'That was f*cking nuts.' Reported seeing two insect-like female figures in a bright pink and purple landscaped whose contours recalled the mountainside he had hiked down that afternoon. The insectlike females were beckoning him onwards, inviting him to see their civilization on the valley floor. Effect wore off before he arrived there.
19:45 Smoked 1 x hash spliff and drunk 1 x bullshot.
20:00 Return to baseline.
Wednesday 4th August 2010
08:30 Breakfast: 1 x peach, 1 x boiled egg, 1 x bowl of Champion muesli.
12:00 Lunch: Tomato, mozzarella, avocado salad.
13:40 Ingested half a Pez sweet which had been anointed with LSD by Mark, the San Francisco pioneer of blotter art (see post 28: Experimentation). Mark had stated, in predictably cryptic fashion, that each Pez sweet was 'double-barreled', meaning, I think, that 1 sweet = two doses.
14:54 Effects predominantly physical. Some muscular tension. Went to get sickle and cut grass which is overgrowing the path up to the house.
15:20 Tired of cutting grass. Increased awareness of sensation of wind on my body. Removed t-shirt. Awareness of heightened libido.
14:00 Sat staring at bowl of lemons. Increased sensitivity to play of light on the lemons.
14:10 Insufflated 1 line of ketamine. Initially limited effects. Light appeared to dance around the lemons. Awareness of depth and calmness of breathing, and of the pleasure inherent in each breath.
14:30 - 20:00 Insufflated a further 7 - 10 lines of ketamine. Effects were cumulative but memory is hazy. Was unable to take notes. Early in the afternoon spent c. 10 mins staring into a mirror: powerful sense of unfamiliarity concerning my own physical being. Later in the afternoon, after further dosage, felt a great sense of confidence in myself combined with a recognition that there is not much which I need and much which I am willing to give. This struck me as very therapeutic. On some days I am troubled by a tension around my belly button, a tension which I now view as primarily psychological. Under the effect of LSD + Ketamine, the tension was resolved. After further lines, physical movement became a struggle. I settled on two beanbags and covered myself with a blanket around 18:00, listening to music. After insufflating another line, I felt that my body was reverberating at the same frequency as some mysterious cosmic spirit. Following further insufflation, I experienced a sense of euphoria as my own spirit - my own essence - appeared to transcend the limitations of my own being and join a joyful cosmic consciousness. These terms are vague and unsatisfactory I know, but they are the best I can do. Interestingly, my mind remained conscious and lucid at all times, though I lacked the coordination or the will to take notes. I do remember thinking that this was one of the most profoundly spiritual and significant experiences of my life. I also remember wondering whether I was experiencing identity with Brahman, the world soul.
20:00 I thought that by now the effects of the LSD must have worn off. However, insufflation of one further line of ketamine produced immediate effects in the form of synaesthesia. Tumultuous storm clouds had risen over the snowy peaks I could see through the window. The setting sun bounced off the clouds. The music I was listening to appeared to crescendo and my sensory perceptions overlapped and intertwined. However, I never lost lucidity of thought and at all times my body felt heavy but at peace. Frequently I wanted to smile but noticed a numbness in my facial muscles.
20:30 The psychological effects of LSD/ketamine had more or less worn off, though I still found it hard to move. However, since I felt I had experienced some form of spiritual awakening, I decided to smoke some DMT to see whether I might be vouchsafed a glimpse of other entities. I tottered upstairs to my room to get the DMT and glass pipe, then settled myself back on the beanbags. There was still some remaining light in the sky and I could see the buildings of the village through the windows of the door. I took one hit of DMT and was immediately catapulted into a totally different universe. It was as if I had changed from one computer game to another - the graphics were unrecognizable. I had not closed my eyes and from the tumultuous, synaesthesiastic world of LSD/ketamine, I now found myself in a bright, cheerful, pixelated universe whose blocky shapes once again recalled an Aztec aesthetic. The houses I could see through the window could not have been more cheerful: their windows were dancing in welcome. The mountains, so recently bruised and brooding, were now a snowy white against a serene blue sky. Looking around the room, it seemed as if the place had received the ultimate spring clean. Everything was pristine and the lamps and chairs and radiators were sparkling as if they had been sprinkled with fairy dust. It was in this room that, as lucky children, my brother and sister and I had been ceremoniously lead in every Christmas eve to see our piles of Christmas presents stacked in the corners. Looking around the room, I felt something of the magic of those early memories. If God had spoken to me at that moment, I would not have been surprised. Anything and everything seemed possible. It also seemed that the real (?) world and the spirit world were superimposed on top of each other, like transparencies on an overhead projector. But, as the DMT began to wear off, so did the magic and the sparkle, until all that was left was the everyday world of consensual reality.
I feel very happy to have seen this happy spirit world, though I still wonder why I have not seen any spirits or machine elves or insectlike females. Are they merely different ways of construing the spirit world? Do they only come to those who need them? Or is my inner vision in some way clouded? Did I not smoke enough DMT? Or maybe there were no spirits paying house calls last night? One thing is for sure: there are truly more things in heaven and earth than I had ever dreamt of.
21:00 1 x bullshot, 1 x Indian bidi cigarette. Return to baseline.
Today: no hangover, no fatigue, no negative effects.
Wednesday June 30 2010
09:00 One boiled egg and nectarine for breakfast.
12:10 Ingested quarter tab LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide) while sitting on terrace in sunshine. Used a small amount in order to establish minimum dosage.
13:06 No noticeable effect. Ingested further half tab.
14:00 Slight muscular tension all over. Considerable hunger. Made and ate tomato/ avocado/ mozzarella salad.
14:30 Some slight visual effects - dancing patterns but only when I concentrated hard. Muscular tension not very pleasurable. Went for a walk along path on hillside. Sat on a bench overlooking village. Smoked 1 x hash cigarette. Muscular tension eased. Sense of unreality. An old Swiss lady with an off-road zimmer frame joined me on the bench. She stated: 'It is very peaceful here.' I agreed. We sat in companionable silence for half an hour before she left. A butterfly landed on my shoulder. I felt myself to be a part of, rather than apart from, the natural world.
15:30 Continued walk down path and through village. Removed shoes and walked barefoot. Contact with earth was pleasurable.
16:30 Returned home. Visuals still limited.
17:30 Return to baseline.
Conclusion: poor quality acid.
Saturday June 31st 2010
Went for 7 hour hike/climb up Piz Mezdi, Piz San Gian and Piz Surlej. Returned home to meet Dom (my brother) c. 16:00
19:00 Sat on beanbag in sitting room. Still considerable natural light. Put Amazon icaros on hifi. Inhaled one hit of DMT (dimethyltriptamine) - approx. three yellow crystals on bed of ash, smoked through a glass crack pipe. Initial taste was acrid and somewhat plastic. Closed my eyes and was immediately transported to a bright, curving tunnel. Sensed a benign presence inviting me down the tunnel but did not see anything more. Breathing very calm and deep. Effect wore off after c. 2 mins. Felt slight tingling all over body, accompanied by slightly shaking hands and clammy palms.
19:10 Took a bigger hit, this time did not see tunnels. Found myself in a bright, cheerful space which reminded me of early childhood memories. Bright shapes or balloons appeared to be bouncing around me. No sighting of other 'living' entities. In my subsequent reading, the twenty-fourth fragment of Heraclitus has given me pause for thought: The Aeon is a child at play with coloured balls. I am not sure what to conclude from this.
19:20 My brother Dom took his first ever DMT hit, which I observed. First inhalation was slight. He closed his eyes and immediately began to breathe deeply and calmly. His eyelids were flickering. He reported also seeing tunnels with Amazon/ Aztec motifs. Effect wore off after c. 1.5 minutes.
19:25 Dom took a second, much bigger hit. Journey lasted c. 4-5 minutes. His first words upon reopening his eyes: 'That was f*cking nuts.' Reported seeing two insect-like female figures in a bright pink and purple landscaped whose contours recalled the mountainside he had hiked down that afternoon. The insectlike females were beckoning him onwards, inviting him to see their civilization on the valley floor. Effect wore off before he arrived there.
19:45 Smoked 1 x hash spliff and drunk 1 x bullshot.
20:00 Return to baseline.
Wednesday 4th August 2010
08:30 Breakfast: 1 x peach, 1 x boiled egg, 1 x bowl of Champion muesli.
12:00 Lunch: Tomato, mozzarella, avocado salad.
13:40 Ingested half a Pez sweet which had been anointed with LSD by Mark, the San Francisco pioneer of blotter art (see post 28: Experimentation). Mark had stated, in predictably cryptic fashion, that each Pez sweet was 'double-barreled', meaning, I think, that 1 sweet = two doses.
14:54 Effects predominantly physical. Some muscular tension. Went to get sickle and cut grass which is overgrowing the path up to the house.
15:20 Tired of cutting grass. Increased awareness of sensation of wind on my body. Removed t-shirt. Awareness of heightened libido.
14:00 Sat staring at bowl of lemons. Increased sensitivity to play of light on the lemons.
14:10 Insufflated 1 line of ketamine. Initially limited effects. Light appeared to dance around the lemons. Awareness of depth and calmness of breathing, and of the pleasure inherent in each breath.
14:30 - 20:00 Insufflated a further 7 - 10 lines of ketamine. Effects were cumulative but memory is hazy. Was unable to take notes. Early in the afternoon spent c. 10 mins staring into a mirror: powerful sense of unfamiliarity concerning my own physical being. Later in the afternoon, after further dosage, felt a great sense of confidence in myself combined with a recognition that there is not much which I need and much which I am willing to give. This struck me as very therapeutic. On some days I am troubled by a tension around my belly button, a tension which I now view as primarily psychological. Under the effect of LSD + Ketamine, the tension was resolved. After further lines, physical movement became a struggle. I settled on two beanbags and covered myself with a blanket around 18:00, listening to music. After insufflating another line, I felt that my body was reverberating at the same frequency as some mysterious cosmic spirit. Following further insufflation, I experienced a sense of euphoria as my own spirit - my own essence - appeared to transcend the limitations of my own being and join a joyful cosmic consciousness. These terms are vague and unsatisfactory I know, but they are the best I can do. Interestingly, my mind remained conscious and lucid at all times, though I lacked the coordination or the will to take notes. I do remember thinking that this was one of the most profoundly spiritual and significant experiences of my life. I also remember wondering whether I was experiencing identity with Brahman, the world soul.
20:00 I thought that by now the effects of the LSD must have worn off. However, insufflation of one further line of ketamine produced immediate effects in the form of synaesthesia. Tumultuous storm clouds had risen over the snowy peaks I could see through the window. The setting sun bounced off the clouds. The music I was listening to appeared to crescendo and my sensory perceptions overlapped and intertwined. However, I never lost lucidity of thought and at all times my body felt heavy but at peace. Frequently I wanted to smile but noticed a numbness in my facial muscles.
20:30 The psychological effects of LSD/ketamine had more or less worn off, though I still found it hard to move. However, since I felt I had experienced some form of spiritual awakening, I decided to smoke some DMT to see whether I might be vouchsafed a glimpse of other entities. I tottered upstairs to my room to get the DMT and glass pipe, then settled myself back on the beanbags. There was still some remaining light in the sky and I could see the buildings of the village through the windows of the door. I took one hit of DMT and was immediately catapulted into a totally different universe. It was as if I had changed from one computer game to another - the graphics were unrecognizable. I had not closed my eyes and from the tumultuous, synaesthesiastic world of LSD/ketamine, I now found myself in a bright, cheerful, pixelated universe whose blocky shapes once again recalled an Aztec aesthetic. The houses I could see through the window could not have been more cheerful: their windows were dancing in welcome. The mountains, so recently bruised and brooding, were now a snowy white against a serene blue sky. Looking around the room, it seemed as if the place had received the ultimate spring clean. Everything was pristine and the lamps and chairs and radiators were sparkling as if they had been sprinkled with fairy dust. It was in this room that, as lucky children, my brother and sister and I had been ceremoniously lead in every Christmas eve to see our piles of Christmas presents stacked in the corners. Looking around the room, I felt something of the magic of those early memories. If God had spoken to me at that moment, I would not have been surprised. Anything and everything seemed possible. It also seemed that the real (?) world and the spirit world were superimposed on top of each other, like transparencies on an overhead projector. But, as the DMT began to wear off, so did the magic and the sparkle, until all that was left was the everyday world of consensual reality.
I feel very happy to have seen this happy spirit world, though I still wonder why I have not seen any spirits or machine elves or insectlike females. Are they merely different ways of construing the spirit world? Do they only come to those who need them? Or is my inner vision in some way clouded? Did I not smoke enough DMT? Or maybe there were no spirits paying house calls last night? One thing is for sure: there are truly more things in heaven and earth than I had ever dreamt of.
21:00 1 x bullshot, 1 x Indian bidi cigarette. Return to baseline.
Today: no hangover, no fatigue, no negative effects.
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